Even When It Doesn’t Make Sense
Whitney here! I have been married to the best man in the world, Shane, for five years. We have two super fun sons, Ty and Warren. Our days include lots of hot wheels, Legos, and jumping on the trampoline! I was born and raised in Miami, OK, and I couldn’t imagine having my family anywhere else.
So, let’s get to the real reason we’re here: to talk about my story!
There are many places I could begin, but I think I’ll just start with when I met Annie in the summer of 2018. I had been in a six-month battle over my work situation, sometimes feeling as if I was physically wrestling with God. I was stressed, overwhelmed, forgetting important things, and the list could go on and on. Anxiety was riddling literally every aspect of my life. If you know me at all, you know I tend to be overly optimistic about life, and I just felt like I had lost that spark. I knew I needed a change, but in my own understanding, I couldn’t make anything work. It was a very lucrative job for me, and it had always been a dream of mine to “work my way up the ladder.” And I had done just that.
The disappointment didn’t make sense. I was angry because I couldn’t shake the feeling that I was failing at everything. What I realize now is that God was allowing me to get to a place where I had no choice but to fully rely on Him. I think oftentimes we say we are fully reliant on Him, but when it comes down to it, we invite Him into our plans after we’ve already made them.
I was out of plans. I was out of ideas. I was out of joy. And, some days, I felt like I was out of my mind. Until our gracious God turned my weakness into surrender and started to bring me back to life with a simple (what I thought was simple) acquaintance at church.
The day we met, Annie knew nothing of anything I’d been going through, and I knew nothing of APM. But through a divine appointment, God used her in my life to provide a spiritual mentor, a listening ear, and multiple confirmations that He was getting ready to make a drastic change in my life. Many of the things which were stirring in my heart didn’t make sense (hence the title of this post:). I was feeling a draw away from my job because it was all-consuming. I wanted to be available for my family, and I wanted to be available for God. However, the financial implications were going to be significant, and there wasn’t another opportunity in front of me yet. The whole thing required a step of faith and a step outside my comfort zone. But God was so faithful.
When I chose obedience, God quite literally created a new job for me working part-time within the same field. Not only did He provide the job, but He worked out multiple details ahead of me which I could have never anticipated ahead of time. Yes, it required my husband and I to take a step of faith financially, and through this I have learned that God’s opinion of my actions is where my validation lies. I’ve learned that being obedient to Him is how I weigh the outcome of my decisions.
And now it’s part of my testimony. God has been faithful to bring my family through ALL OF IT.
God has totally transformed what I thought life would look like, and I wouldn’t want any other plan for my life. He has made it abundantly clear that He is my provider and that no employer can offer the satisfaction He can. He increased my faith enough to, once again, step out in faith and into another new job which He seemed to call me to out of nowhere - a secretary at my son’s elementary school. I step into that mission field every day with the intent to make someone’s burden a little lighter. It is incredibly rewarding, and it is birthing new dreams inside my heart which weren’t there before.
I have also been blessed with the opportunity to serve APM on the operational side of the ministry. I’m convinced our team is the best around, and the God-appointed friendships are like nothing I’ve ever experienced.
There’s a song I often listen to, called “Spirit Lead Me.” In fact, I’m listening to it over and over as I type this.
“It felt like a burden, but once I could grasp it You took me further, further than I was asking And simply to see you, it’s worth it all My life is an altar, let your fire fall”
My favorite line of the song, the one I would pore over in those moments of surrender, is this:
“And even when it don’t make sense, I’m gonna let your spirit lead”
(I don’t love the grammar, but hey, I’ve got to keep the integrity of the song!)
I will always seek to do God’s will - even when it doesn’t make sense. How could I say no to a God who has been so faithful!